Cranky Pancreas

D-Blog Week 2013 – Day 6: I don’t paint, I don’t write poetry, I don’t play any music. I could sit and come up with something because I’m creative, but instead I have chosen to share a poem about resilience, the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like.

I believe we’re all resilient when living with a chronic condition. We get knocked down, we get back up and keep on going no matter what. Mostly because we have no choice, but also because it makes us stronger.

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley (1849 – 1903)

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Listen to the poem on Classic Poetry Aloud.

D-Blog Week 2013 – Day 5: Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions?

This is a tough one. If I had the choice, I would prefer to have NO chronic condition. Mostly because the word chronic means it’s a pain in the butt you have to live with every single day and most likely has no cure. I thought about it, and the first thing that came to mind was hypothyroidism… but I already have that, got diagnosed when I was 17 and taking that little hormone pill in the morning doesn’t take much of an effort. But there’s not switching; instead I got lucky and got both. So no, I wouldn’t switch, nor I wish diabetes or a thyroid disease on anyone.

That being said, when you deal with a chronic condition and have the chance to share your experience and communicate with people who are going through something similar, I’m completely convinced that it makes you more compassionate. Being part of the DOC and interacting with other people who are dealing with diabetes has definitely made me more open, less judgmental, and more prone to walk in other people’s shoes. I’m less quick to anger when someone disagrees with me, and I understand we all have pain at different levels.

I’m the person who likes to help, I’m the person who wants to be there for a newly diagnosed patient, I’m the person who will never give anyone the pity look because I hate pity looks. I’m the person who will try to empower others and give them the tools they need, at least when it comes to sharing their story.

We all struggle daily but when we know exactly what that struggle is like, I believe it changes us in a positive way.

D-Blog Week 2013 – Day 4: We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you’ve made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small – think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered, making a tough care decision, etc.

I think my biggest, most recent accomplishment is self-acceptance. I’ve spent most part of my life being extremely hard on myself, or letting other people’s opinion of me affect me. I’ve let it destroy part of who I am to the point that I let others convince me I had to be different in order to be happy.

Truth is, the moment I stopped and accepted myself with every single one of my flaws (physical and emotional) I finally understood that I don’t have to be different, or think differently, or change who I am or how I feel.

So what if I’m overweight? That’s up to me to deal with and change if I want it to change, not because of others may think of me. The more people I meet, the more I realize they’re looking way beyond my extra pounds.

So what if I deal with depression and anxiety? I didn’t choose it, I do the best I can. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 19 and yet I’ve managed to live a normal life. People who have judged me or given up on me because of it were simply not strong enough.

So what if I have diabetes, hypothyroidism, PCOS and can’t conceive a child? Well, tough luck… but this is what I was given and I can’t let it keep me from being happy. This is me, this is my body, I do the best I can.

I could go on and on, but one thing I can say out loud is that I may not like myself every day of my life, but I certainly like myself way better than I used to. And that, for me, is my biggest accomplishment.

D-Blog Week 2013 – Day 3: Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere…. your or your loved one’s diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

There isn’t only one memorable diabetes day for me. This condition has given me enough memories to write a book. Starting by losing my father to its complications, to being diagnosed in a bizarre way, and then becoming an advocate. But since I’m being asked for one memory, I guess I will have to tell the story about how I became a co-host for the DSMA en Vivo show… or just the first day of the show.

After months of discussing the idea with Cherise, we finally were ready to launch. I had already been a guest on the DSMA Live show, which was really funny, and I still listen to the podcast sometimes just to make fun of my Spanish accent. But being a guest and being one of the hosts are completely different. As a guest you can goof off, you’re the sensation of the show and people want to listen to you. As a host there is so much more to think of, and let’s be honest… have you heard the first En Vivo show? I personally think it was a disaster of sorts.

First my speakers volume was all the way up, so I was getting this horrible feedback that I had no idea of what to do with. Then it was so improvised and my first time on the “radio” that it all felt like talking mostly to the wall. My Spanish is impeccable and I tried really hard to come up with something good to say since we didn’t have a guest, but when I listened to the podcast I felt so much shame with all the ummm’s and ahhh’s.

As the show has progressed, I think I’m getting better at it. I still notice a lot of my very Colombian accent and I’m trying to come up with a more neutral way to talk. But that’s another story. Right now I just feel proud of what I do with Kiki every other Tuesday, and we’re seeing the results. I love having an outlet for my advocacy efforts, and I feel like I’m a valued member of the DOC.

About a month ago, when we had Manny Hernandez—president of the Diabetes Hands Foundation—as a guest in our DSMA en Vivo radio show, I got reminded once again of why I do diabetes advocacy. He explained it very simply, very clearly, that many of us decide to advocate for others because we’re looking for purpose in life. We may have many things figured out, but sometimes we hit that wall where we start feeling there is something missing. And that’s when service comes in.

From my mom I learned a quote by Rabindranath Tagore that reads “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” From my mom I also learned compassion and the fact that thinking less of ourselves and more about others is what fuels our spirit. And when it comes to diabetes advocacy, I’ve discovered that throughout life’s challenges, being there for others makes it all easier for me.

Last year when my 5-year marriage ended, I went into advocacy mode full on. I tried to participate as much as I could, I gave my time and effort to the DSMA en Vivo radio show, I attended conferences and meet-ups, and that kept my mind from sinking into an abyss. So not only I was helping others, I was doing a great favor to myself.

As my life changes and improves, and I find myself in a much happier place after many years, I want to do more for the diabetes community. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking on too much, or that I’m promising things I may not be able to do; and that’s when I have to have faith in myself and believe that I’m as good as anyone else who wants to be there for people with diabetes.

Fortunately I’m not alone. I have an amazing group of people encouraging me and each other so we come up with initiatives and ways to help and raise the diabetes community voice. And when I get to interact with these people every day, I feel extremely lucky.

So I guess this is a thanks to all of you, members of the diabetes community, and especially to the leaders who have trusted me to be part of either advisory boards, committees and such. The rest of the work is in my hands and I will try to remind myself that this is my life’s purpose every single day. Because being a diabetes advocate is a blessing to me.

I just signed up to participate in the American Diabetes Association’s Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes. I’d like to invite you to support me in my efforts by registering to walk with me or making a donation in support of my efforts.

Chances are, you also know someone who has been affected by diabetes and you already know how important it is to stop this disease.

By supporting me, you will help the American Diabetes Association provide community-based education programs, protect the rights of people with diabetes and fund critical research for a cure.

Will you join me by visiting my personal page and making a donation?

The power we have together far outweighs what I can do alone. Please join me in this great cause—it would mean so much to me!

Thank you!

This post was prompted by a conversation I was having with one of my friends from the diabetes community. She’s currently dealing with family members who are not giving her the support she needs, and instead of trying to help they decided to play diabetes police and remind her that she’s going to be another Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias who will probably never have children and die young. WRONG. That is just WRONG.

At first I was trying to understand where her family is coming from, probably saying things out of concern for her diabetes management, but then I put myself in her shoes and I certainly wouldn’t like my loved ones to remind me of the frailty of my life every chance they get. I’ve had the diabetes police around; the kind of people who instead of trying to help live in oblivion regarding the whole issue, and only pay attention when you put some extra food in your mouth. It is frustrating.

I remember I was still a kid when my mother taught me that I should stay away from anything or anyone that took my inner peace away… even if it was my own family. But how do you make that call? Not all of us have the luxury to tell our family to eff off and leave us alone, especially if we’re young and starting to figure out our life. But does that mean we have to take everything and just deal with it? NO.

I know most people mean well, and I also know some people just don’t know better. As a patient and an advocate I believe it is my duty to educate people so they have an idea of what I have to deal with on a daily basis. The problem is that some people are simply not open to that kind of discussion, and others are just plain stubborn when it comes to learning. So what do I do? In the words of Andrés López, a Colombian comedian, I say “deje así” which is basically just to give it up. But in this case giving up is not a bad thing… I just choose my peace instead of trying to knock my head against a hard wall.

We can educate people and try to make them understand as much as we can, but there comes a point when we have to ignore what they say and let it be. It’s hard, but more often than not, I believe managing a chronic condition requires a big deal of inner strength that can only be gathered if we shut people off when they just don’t get it.