And then there’s sadness…

My husband and I are very active in the online community. We both keep weblogs (that’s how we met!), belong to different message boards, have made friends this way, and we enjoy it. I asked him to join, so he can get informed and keep up to date with everything diabetes related.

He joined the community, and he posted a blog entry today. I read it, and I cried. I cried because I’ve been putting on this happy, optimistic face, but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, cheated, and I wonder why on earth I had to inherit my dad’s disease. Not to mention the guilt for being a diabetic and making my husband worry about me.

I feel especially frustrated when I test my BG and it isn’t anywhere near normal. The numbers given by my diabetes educator don’t seem right; I know they can be lower, I know I can go lower; yet there is something missing for me to attain them. So I get upset and cry, I do anxiety eating, and I ingest more carbs than suggested (not a lot, but certainly not what the doctor wants.) It’s a vicious cycle I have to break by doing other things instead of going to the kitchen. But it’s more complicated than that.

For what is worth, I’m glad to have found communities where I can share my thoughts and get help. And I’m extremely thankful for having a man in my life who will do whatever he has to do to help me.

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