One of the hardest things about health conditions is knowing exactly what they are, how they work and what you are supposed to do, but sitting behind the fence just looking without actually doing something. I think it is probably more common than I think, but of course I put all the weight of the world on my shoulders and convince myself I am the worst patient in the history of patients.
The part of my diabetes I struggle the most with is weight loss. Recent developments showed me that a big part of the problem is that I have PCOS and that just unchained a whole set of issues I really do not want to discuss now. However, it has made it harder for me to lose weight no matter how much I try. Yet I don’t help myself with something so basic as exercise.
Why do I have so much trouble making it a routine? I remember I once was on a roll, going to the gym every day, lost tons of weight and felt like a million bucks. But those were special conditions, I loved my gym, the people I worked out with, the trainers and the atmosphere. It was not one of those Barbie places where people go to show their bodies. Most gyms make me so uncomfortable, I avoid them like the plague. However, that is just an excuse… I do not need to go to a gym in order to exercise.
One of the things I learned from my CDE and stuck with me is that in order to be successful, exercise MUST be fun. Once it becomes a task or some kind of torture, I just give up. I want to exercise on my own terms, doing what I like, not what other people think I should be doing. However, I do put the limitations there, because I would love to take a bike ride, yet I do not do it thinking I am way too big to be seen on a bike (the list goes on… I will spare you.)
But the time has come for me to get serious about it. About 2 months ago I joined a program at work to do a 5K run/walk and I have been trying to stick to the training, but it has become a task because I decided to do it with my boss and that is a whole other story. That being said, I cannot be exercising because other people expect me to… I need to do it because I want to and I SHOULD do it.
Big changes are coming to my life if a current fertility treatment works. Sometimes I wonder if I am just being irresponsible with what risks, outcomes, etc. But instead of putting a dent on my hopes and dreams, I think this is the time to work toward a healthier me more aggressively.
Now to find things I can have fun with!