D-Blog Week 2013 – Day 1: Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one’s daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don’t see?
Most of the time I’m just nervous about being judged by my medical team. Because for them I may just be the numbers on a test results sheet, but they don’t know what’s really happening to me. My doctor doesn’t know that I struggle with two jobs, a hectic schedule, and that most days I just want to give up and forget about everything. That affects the way I manage my chronic conditions.
Sometimes I’m too tired to remember to take my medication on time, or I’m running late so I skip breakfast which is something I shouldn’t do. Things like that change the rules of the game, and it’s so easy for health care providers to just pretend we follow instructions and work like machines.
I feel like I want my doctor not only to listen to how my body is doing, but to really listen and give me advice when I feel so messed up, being in control is the last thing I can do.
2013 has been… interesting. A lot of life changes; most of them good (like moving to a new apartment closer to work), some of them sad (my boyfriend lost his mom to cancer). Life has also been extremely busy since the end of February when I got a second job, but that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, between dealing with all the changes and having a crazy work schedule I feel like I’ve been slipping through the cracks with my diabetes management. I don’t feel sick, but I know that when I go to see my endocrinologist this afternoon I won’t get a shiny A1C result like the one I got 3 months ago. Running from place to place I’ve made more than a few unhealthy choices when it comes to eating; thankfully I have a boyfriend who likes to cook healthy, so at least I get to fit some healthy meals in. Still, frustrating because time management and diabetes management seem to be a huge problem for me these days.
So today I find myself afraid of going to see my endocrinologist. Or maybe it’s just shame because at the end of the day I feel like I have nothing but excuses for my poor diabetes management, even if people around me tell me they don’t blame me because they’ve never seen someone so busy, and they have no idea of how I do all this. But I’m not going to cancel/reschedule my appointment; it only adds insult to the injury.
This is the first time in my life when I hardly have any free time—the little I have I spend it trying to get some rest—and I’m here wondering if I’ll ever get the hang of this. How do people manage? All I can say is that I’ve had it easy for a while, and I know I’ll figure it out at some point, but right now I’m not so proud of myself when it comes to taking care of this body.
Suggestions/ideas are welcome. 🙂