Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at. Today let’s look at the flip-side. We probably all have one thing we could try to do better. Why not make today the day we start working on it. No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!
Discipline and consistency. I really need to stick to healthy routines and not give up in the middle of a project when things start getting better. It’s self-sabotage and it’s not good at all. Call it testing my blood glucose level more often, keep a food diary to watch what I eat more carefully, exercising every day.
I’m the queen of excuses and I need to put them in a drawer and never take them out again; not when it comes to my diabetes control. It’s always raining, or too hot, or I’m too tired… and that’s all because in my heart I’m always afraid of failure and I convince myself I just won’t be able to reach any goals. The problem is, and this is true, that I don’t set any goals. Maybe that’s the first thing I have to do. But it’s not about numbers, it’s about being able to visualize myself healthier and better and work toward it.
So yes, definitely discipline. That needs a lot of improvement!
Meet La Bestiole Noire (Little Black Bug). He likes to visit from time to time. He was introduced to me by an old roommate who helped me a lot through my divorce and my new life after that. Every time I got sad and discouraged, she remind me that I had to squish la petite bestiole noire, the bad thoughts in my head, the little voices telling me that I couldn’t do things.
For whatever reason I have a case of la petite bestiole noire today and I’m not liking it a little bit. Instead of looking at my successes during the last months I’m thinking that I won’t be able to accomplish my goals for a healthier, happier life. That’s actually pretty stupid, considering I’m sticking with an exercise routine, I joined Weight Watchers and if I go back and look at my medical records for the last year or so, I’ve lost some weight. Hopefully the new routine will make me lose even more. Looking at other people’s success stories should encourage me rather than make thing I’m not going to make it; and that’s what the bestiole does to me. I have to fight it.
So why is the bestiole here today? I have no idea. It shouldn’t even knock at my door. I’m keeping myself on track, I’m doing awesome, my blood sugars have been within the normal range for a person without diabetes. My legs hurt a lot from exercising, but every day when I get home for work I turn on the XBOX and Zumba my pain away. My husband and I are thinking about buying bicycles so we can start a new healthy hobby.
Yeah, there is no room for the bestiole in my life so I’m going to squish it and I hope you do, too, when he decides to visit.
There’s an excellent post today at Tiny Buddha, about not letting self-defeating attitudes stop us from doing what we want to do. Go and read it!
You don’t know how badly depression can affect your management of a chronic disease until you’re out of it and you can look at the situation objectively. 2011 was a very difficult year for me, mostly because there was such a huge imbalance of chemicals in my body that I simply stopped caring about everything. Things I used to enjoy became an annoyance and I had this horrible feeling that nobody even acknowledged my existence in the DOC. The Diabetes Sisters Weekend for Women conference went by and I felt like a zombie, I barely attended the sessions and I was a total stranger to the lady I shared rooms with. Then I was in San Diego for the Roche Social Media Summit, and while I tried really hard to participate as much as I could, I still felt like I was in a parallel universe of sorts. I thought I was some kind of joke for calling myself a Diabetes Advocate, when I wasn’t actively doing anything… I wasn’t even posting on twitter.
Then November came and I went to see my endocrinologist, told him about how horrible I felt, and he sent me to see a psychiatrist who could help me figure out why depression came to kick me in the butt again. After a long talk with the psychiatrist, who I have to say I liked very much, he decided to add Wellbutrin to my Prozac and see how it went. So far, so good… It’s even helping to control my appetite, and that is always a plus when you are obese. I will meet with a health psychologist on Wednesday and she will help me trace the map for the changes I need to implement in my life so I can grab diabetes by the horns and manage it more efficiently.
Along with my medical resources and my wonderful husband also comes the DOC, in which I’ve been trying to participate more actively and I know it will require a little bit of effort to make myself known to everybody, which is my goal. The fact is, if it wasn’t for the DOC I would probably not care about my diabetes as much as I do and I wouldn’t educate myself about diabetes like I do. I’m very happy that I finally took the time to go to blogrolls and I found a bunch of type 2 diabetics I can relate to.
So with this renewed motivation I hope to FINALLY take the right steps and stay on the right path for a healthy life. And what better way to help yourself than sharing with others. So I revamped my blog, got my a funny domain name and I’m reading d-blogs with discipline and interest. It feels wonderful! I missed me.