Feeling Totally Derailed

Originally posted on Diabetes Daily.

As I sit to relax after eating a healthy lunch (green peppers stuffed with a mix of brown rice, chicken and veggies) I’m thinking why don’t I eat like this more often. In fact, I’m here thinking what happened in the past few months to make me completely derail from everything a person with type 2 diabetes should do in order to be healthy.

2013 has been hectic. For almost a year I was working two jobs so I could afford health insurance (see the irony?). My schedule was so crappy, I ate whatever was available, which means there were a lot of late night shifts that ended at the BK drive-thru. Decent sleep hours became a joke, so don’t ask me about exercise (which I previously posted about). My routine got completely screwed up, and I won’t get the award for taking my medications on time. Now my jeans feel tighter, you do the math. I feel tired which means my thyroid is angry. So it hasn’t been a good year for my diabetes management.

About a month ago my life changed for the better when I was offered a wonderful position at the college where I work. Now I have a regular week day, first shift, full time job. That certainly gives me time to plan things and take care of myself, but it’s taking me a while to get back on track.

The first thing I did was reassess my health and realize I haven’t seen my doctor since the beginning of May. My last A1C dates from March. I don’t remember when was the last time I tested my blood glucose levels because I ran out of strips, and the doctor will want to see me. But for a month I’ve been afraid to call and make that appointment… I am almost 100% sure my numbers will make her eyes cross.

Because taking my metformin has been rather an irregular thing, now that I’m taking it every day, as many times as required, my stomach is all messed up and I find myself cursing the diabetes demons. And while trying to decide how to soothe my poor stomach, I was thinking if I need a medication change, if it would be better to manage my blood glucose levels with insulin or if there will soon be a magic cure. Truth is, all I need to do is get out of denial and do what has always worked for me.

This is the story of my life. The story of the life of a person with type 2 diabetes. Especially one who doesn’t live on insulin. It’s homework every single day. Every decision affects our numbers. And the guilt paralyzes us.

I made my appointment with the doctor. I know it won’t be pretty, but I ran out of excuses.

Taking the High Road

Wouldn’t you know it… there are instructions for this: Take a deep breath. In for five, out for five. Close your eyes to get the full effect. Repeat if necessary until you feel like you’re back into control. Then smile. Look the person directly in the eye and give them a knowing smile. Usually, people find this disarming and want to smile back. Sometimes, this is all it takes.

When it comes to health conditions and each individual’s experience, there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with me. And lately I’ve found myself trying hard not to say something, especially about people with type 2 diabetes. Somehow we’ve been deemed the fat and lazy who deserved to get diabetes; the media doesn’t help and opinion are so divided, I really don’t know right from wrong anymore. I know my personal history, I know I probably could’ve delayed the onset of my diabetes, but the magic cocktail was there for me to develop it. Whether I deserve it or not… that’s another story.

One of the things I struggle the most as diabetes advocate is trying to make other people in the community understand that because I have type 2 it doesn’t mean I have no awareness about other types of diabetes. The constant bashing of type 2s makes me really sad sometimes, and I wish other people wouldn’t be so quick to judge and condemn. Things have gotten to the point that it’s bad that we’re all called diabetics. But that’s a rant for another day. What I’m trying to say is, that in the middle of this struggle, I decide to take the high road and keep on doing what I’m doing: caring, helping, educating.

Sometimes it’s better to smile and keep silent.